Westlife’s final performance hits the big screen

200 cinemas across the country to take part

AURAL ASSASSINS Westlife have announced that their last ever live performance will be broadcast to cinemas across Europe next month. Jubilation that they will never perform again has been tempered somewhat by news of the satellite link-up, which will make the farewell gig harder to avoid, as well as by the fact that “never” is a euphemism for “until the money is right for a comeback”.
The terminally bland Irish lads appealed to girls of a certain age during the late 1990s and early 2000s, but have been selling steadily fewer records as their demographic has grown up and realised with dismay how utterly shit they are. Other fans simply ended their lives or were committed.
The chillingly titled Greatest Hits tour will grind to a halt in Croke Park, Dublin, on 23 June – the date to put in your diary for not being anywhere near Ireland or in any of 200 cinemas in nine European countries that will be screening the gig. Australia and South Africa may also be in the firing line.
The simul-cast will allow fans the chance to see their idols stand up from their stools for the “very last” time (see above). Non-fans might want to attend just to check they’re really gone and won’t spring up again like some atonal Hollywood zombie with a grudge against music.
“It is bound to be a hugely emotional night and we expect to have tears in our eyes for nearly every song,” the band said in a statement, neatly summing up what the rest of us will be feeling too.
“The show will be beamed to our fans will only add to the excitement… It’s going to be an amazing night, an unmissable show, so make sure you join us!”
In a career spanning 14 years and 14 number ones, their biggest hit – Flying Without Wings – has become a popular choice for deluded talent-show wannabes (hey, if Westlife can do it…). It also a feat that most music-lovers would be delighted to see the band accomplish, perhaps with a leap from a plane at 30,000ft. Now that would be a finale.